A Heated Rivalry Love Note: How This Story Can Help Heal Us (& Excite Us, Of Course)

Have you all heard of the masterpiece that is the Crave Original show, now on HBO Max, called Heated Rivalry? If you are anything like me, then the answer to that question is an unequivocal "Yes"

...Or perhaps, the answer is more of a "Have you lost your damn mind? Not only have I heard of Heated Rivalry, but I've watched every episode too many times to count, I've watched every possible reel related to Heated Rivalry, and I cannot live without it - in fact, I don't know how I survived this life without Heated Rivalry up until this point." So. Is that you? Are we on the same page about this? If you're not on the same page as me on this, then what are you doing? Where have you been? Do you have something against love stories?

To put things colloquially: yes - on the surface, Heated Rivalry is a smut lover's dream...and it most definitely is that. But it's also more than that. It's a story about the complexity of human relationships and how we navigate the cultural and societal expectations around us. It's a story about what matters in this life - who matters in this life. It's a story about choosing those we love, time and time again, even if imperfectly. It's a story about what we deserve, even when we don't think we deserve it...but it's also a story about loneliness, and how the longer we go denying the truth about ourselves & what we want, keeping it hidden away, the greater the loneliness can feel.

There's a reason that so many people have fallen in love with this story - this book, written by Rachel Reid, and this show brought to life by the amazing talents of Jacob Tierney, the director, Connor Storrie and Hudson Williams, the stars of the show. The reason for this being that we see ourselves in this story. We see ourselves in the characters, Ilya Rosanov and Shane Hollander, and the impossible-feeling choices they have to make between doing what they know is "right" v. what is right for them. We see ourselves in the ways that Ilya and Shane get lost in each other & how that can simultaneously be the best and scariest feeling there is in the world.

And for me, I see the very thing that I want reflected back to me through these characters and their story: freedom. Now, for fans of the book and show, that comment might catch you off guard...because throughout so much of the story, Ilya and Shane, do not feel free to openly explore the affinity and love they have for each other. However, I see freedom in the way that Ilya and Shane allow themselves to be fully present with and enthralled by the other. I see freedom in the way they are vulnerable with each other. I see freedom in the way they yearn for each other while also attempting to meet each other where they're at - faults and all. That's a type of freedom - a type of love - I have not experienced in years, not since having gotten out of an abusive relationship.

I believe there are many of us out here who have experienced abusive or unhealthy/toxic relationships that have left us reeling, wondering if we'll ever again experience the magic of a love story. The thing about toxic, abusive relationships is that you carve yourself into smaller parts and you hide away the pieces of yourself that don't seem to appeal or satisfy others. You see, in abusive relationships, there is no real freedom in being who you are or asking for what you want. There's also no freedom to be vulnerable because that can be a very unsafe thing to do.

So, in present day, as I'm watching this phenom of a show, I'm reminded of how ingrained it is and has been to fear vulnerability, even despite all the healing that I have done throughout the years since the abuse. While distance and time can heal the scar tissue that exists from a former experience, that scar tissue is still there. I can feel it every time I go to dance, and I'm rigid & unable to move my body as freely as I'd like. I sense the scar tissue of abuse when I close myself off as soon as I sense someone getting a little too close. And that's where the crux of the matter is: we want the magic of a love story like Heated Rivalry, but we fear what it takes to get it.

Maybe I shouldn't talk for all of us, so I'll say I want the magic of a love story like Heated Rivalry, but I fear what it takes to get it. But I watch this show and these amazing, unparalleled actors who give us so much of themselves and it makes me believe that I can do the same, despite all the lingering fear. I'm empowered to believe that I can and I will once again experience the love I see being played out before me. I'm reminded that, despite every obstacle that may exist, I owe it to myself to create and pursue my own happiness. No real-life love story is going to be dropped in my lap unless I do something about it.

This is why art is so important, be it art in the form of cinematography, photography, poetry, music - the list goes on. We need art and any form of self-expression in our lives so that we can be encouraged to take that leap. To be bold. To not be held back by our past or the expectations who we should be. We need stories like Heated Rivalry to exist so that they can be both the blueprint we need to go after what we want as well as the comfort we need until we do find what or who it is that makes us happy - that satiates us.

For the record, however, I will say that it doesn't matter how many times I watch Heated Rivalry. I'm never satiated. Consider that your warning.

Warnings aside, Heated Rivalry is where it's at. I don't think I can get away with officially prescribing Heated Rivalry as homework to my therapy clients, but here's my hot take: this show can teach some major lessons:

• How there is beauty in the unexpected

• Relationships are messy, but that doesn't mean they can't be beautiful

• Sex is a form of self-expression - it's hot and healthy

• Some people may judge you for who you are, but that doesn't mean everyone will

• We deserve someone who yearns for us - we don't need to be complacent in that

Oh, and allow yourself to love without restraint. If you love someone, freaking put it all out there. If you love yourself for the journey you've travelled in this life, celebrate the hell of out of it. If you love a book or show, re-read/re-watch the shit out of it...you know I will.